Dear Dairy

This is officially my second post on this blog with the first one I ever wrote being posted in June of 2018. If you haven’t read the post, it Briefly talks about how I was feeling about graduating from University and how I didn’t know what my path is. When i read back at that post so many emotions come to surface like how I miss that girl or how I just want to go back and hug her because that girl was going through at lot. If I could go back I would tell myself to scream out load because not only is it better out that in but because I was hurt and I needed to Release that pain that I was holding on to.

Between 2018 and now which is 5 may 2021 at 23:11 a lot has happened. Those 4 years were some of my hardest to date. I failed in my career, I lost my friends because of my isolation, I was numb but I confronted my fears and now I’m finally seeing the finish line.

I will talk more about those 4 years at a later date because they is a lot to unpack and honestly I don’t even know were I would start. But i do know that I’m reaching my finish line which I like to think as my starting point of the new chapter in my life.

Seeing the finish line brings me hope, Courage and motivation but it also scares me to death. I have no idea what is on the other side. So today I stand still forward is my finish line and backwards is all the pain, trauma, healing, hard work and prayers for a better tomorrow.

What’s behind me might stop me from growing but it’s safe I know what I’m getting myself into, there is a certain safety in my past hell that comforted me in my darkest hour. However I know that forward awaits a new version of myself, she scares me. Is she going to look after me and keep me going like the past version of me did.

So today I stand here still in no mans land looking back and forward terrified.

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